Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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