I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
