I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
