I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
