WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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