Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
