mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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