u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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