if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
