Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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