no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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