its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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