I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
