Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
