Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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