All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
