I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
