Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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