Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
