I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
