i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
