there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
