One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
