I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
