I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
