I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
