i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
