I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
