Where did you get a picture of my penis
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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