Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
