At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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