wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
