so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
