She's JV to your varsity
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
