at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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