So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
