She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
