I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
