I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
