What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
