You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
