idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
