Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
