his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
