I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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