he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
