It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
