she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
