my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I need to align my fucking chakras
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