My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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