in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
