So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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