His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
