Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
