Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
