When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
